One of the elements of raising one’s mood is self-esteem (or so it is called). The ego with which we are born and which makes up our whole is excellent learning for getting the best version of ourselves. But life can be so perverse that the devil on our shoulder often wins and spoils our day just by judging about you from anybody. And then no personal trainer for a lot of money will bring you back your value.
You won’t do it yourself either, after all, you won’t tell yourself that you are self-sufficient, fulfilled, beautiful and embraced. You know best what words are on your mind, and you censor your statements, carefully selecting which thought is worth verbalising and which one to hide under the carpet in your brain.
So, who can change your attitude and thinking and thus increase your morale? But not so egoi-ish, but your-your?
You know, it’s a very long way, no finish line, no goal. Your life is a never-ending story, with many scenarios to choose from, with many attractions to experience. No matter what is your view of death, no matter how much injustice you feel around you, no matter what you believe in, no matter what lifestyle you live, no matter what you look like – you never know in which second you will find yourself. And when you do, you’ll find that you haven’t really found yourself yet, that there’s more of you, broader, deeper, and again you’re pushed to keep looking. Still, you have the push to prove to yourself that you are better, more beautiful, more valuable, more, more, more.
The ego will always be greedy compliments, but… I don’t know about you, but I can see the difference when the ego takes compliments and when I do. I don’t know if it’s influenced by low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, objectivity. I’m not someone’s eyes, and I am not aware of anyone’s expectations. My opinion of myself can be diametrically different from someone else’s. And I will be the one who will be pushing flattery away with a kind „thank you„, instead of taking it. Because, for example, I don’t believe in myself, I don’t think that I am valuable, ideal for someone, that I can fulfil someone’s expectations with my whole self. You can’t fight it. Is it ego? I have no idea. I’m blocking it with caution, blocking it with falsehood, empty compliments, jealous energies. The cocoon turns on, protecting its own power.
What if someone means what they say? Can you believe it?
The first time, no. The thousandth time, maybe. Two thousand times, something’s going to come out of there. Eight thousand times, you’ll feel warmth and vibrations inside. You got it, you believed it.
A crucial question – from WHO you will you hear compliments, words of praise, flattery. You have to accept the person as a whole, without prejudices, without stereotypes, without mental stuttering, without doubts. If you don’t take him/her, you will have a blockade inside, which will close the words flying from this person with a bang before your nose.
Often we believe more in strangers, known by chance, who look at you without their expectations, do not know your past, are objective. And we don’t have our own guards on, because what is there to be afraid of? A person who does not know us and does not have a hook for us? Doesn’t identify our weaknesses?
Coaching, influencing people, influencing their lives in almost every field is now fashionable. Neuro-linguistic programming is at its best in social media and media in general. It is becoming harder and harder for us to turn on filters that sift the truth from falsehood. It is becoming harder and harder for us to turn off the filters and let people trust us. Less and less empathy goes hand in hand with loyalty or trust. One can exclude both. It is becoming harder and harder for us to believe people who tell us that we are exceptional, resourceful and unique (what is this word in general? logical, after all, that there is no other one like you). We are looking for it, and we are as hungry as water, we spend thick brass on some famous coach to tell us that we are worth something and we should not give up on our plans and dreams.
Is it coming out? Did you manage to believe Carole Ann Rice for example? I am immune to such trainers, no words from them work on me, because none of them have survived my life, they don’t know what I’ve been through and how much work I’ve done on myself. And none of them will tell me that my life is worth something, that I am exceptional, unique and worth fighting for my dreams.
This is what I know.
Let’s be real.
Life is brutal and gives a lot and often kicks in your ass. A few thousand pounds spent on motivational training can go cunt in one second when your boyfriend while breaking up with you, will tell you straight to your face that you’re not worth anything. And the same training also won’t help you get out of childhood trauma when you’ve been humiliated continuously for poor grades.
Life is not coaching, and it is not training that increases your value for money, life wants nothing from you. Coaching is paid, and you pay with your hard-earned money, coaching requires you to make sacrifices in the form of work in the steelworks or on yourself. You buy sweet, egotistical words that will clutter your mind and work for a while. People sometimes have to believe in religion, in hope, in miracles, in beautiful words.
Life is not false, living is free and offers a multitude of free choices, which are often painful and cruel, but thanks to that – true, deep and sincere, they will burst into you and stay there. No one will change that anymore, no boyfriend throwing you or a retired daddy beating the whip. You’ll be more durable from yourself, from your deep inside, and for free.
Coaching won’t teach you self-respect. Life will do. A second, close person will do. You will do, too. Life will allow you to squeeze out what coaching has covered up as false, superficial compliments.
I don’t deny the current trend in this area. People develop in their own way, at their own pace, so let’s not judge. For many of them, it is a means to an end, they know each other, spend money, raise themselves if there are any levels and go further. It’s a cool tool if you need it. It is suitable for people who lack experience in life, emotional attractions because they have no way to develop.
But let’s not make coaching a goal in itself. Let’s leave it to the professionals who have chosen this way.
I won’t tell you that you’re special because you’re logical anyway, you don’t have doubles, you have no one to compare yourself with. I won’t tell you that you are smart, capable and valuable – because you are not (according to you). I won’t make you believe in yourself, and it’s your job, that’s why I won’t make you darken, I’ll just confirm what you’re telling yourself.
How do you get your self-confidence back? How do you increase your self-esteem?
Just live. Observe, feel, experience, experience, cry, swear, enjoy, appreciate, love and fall in love, lie and betray, fight, give up, suffer, close yourself in, free yourself. Take a full life, and don’t be ashamed of your mistakes, failures, don’t be ashamed of your emotions, don’t be ashamed of being human.